Gratefulness

Gratefulness…that’s the word that describes best how I feel. It’s been almost a month since my last chemo treatment and I am overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord for all He has done for me and my family.

I’ve been meaning to write sooner, but every time I thought about this blog, I’d get nauseated. Weird. There are a lot of things that make me nauseated. Like pretzels – I ate them during my first chemo treatment; the smell of hand sanitizer - they use a lot at the hospital; water bottles – I drank out of one during every chemo treatment; drug commercials – I saw hundreds while lying sick in bed and they’d make me so sick I’d have to turn the channel. That’s just a few of the things that make me sick. Anyway, I’ve wanted to write, but I also wanted to just forget the whole thing ever happened.

I’m doing well and loving life. Jamie and I baked a cake (it was her idea) in celebration of chemo being over. She decorated it all in pink and then Jodie wrote, “Yahoo, We’re Through!” on top. It was the first time in months that I could just relax and truly enjoy the moment.

I’m also back to work teaching CORE 100 and working as the Assistant to the Chaplain at SAU. This past weekend I went to Cedar Bend with the CORE group. The weather was superb and the colors up in Mancelona, Michigan were at their peak. It was breath-taking. As the students sang around the campfire at night I sat in wonder and awe at all the Lord has done for me.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade – kept in heaven for you, who through faith have been shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed at the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” I Peter 3-9

With Joy and Victory,

Janice

Falling Forward

I love fall, it's my favorite season. Have you noticed the leaves are beginning to turn color? Following the tradition of my own Dad, I have been annoyingly pointing out to my kids the change in color of the leaves since mid-August. I love the cool, crisp night air that allows us to sleep all bundled up with the window cracked open, and bonfires with marshmellows are the perfect way to spend a Friday night with the family. In about a week and a half I'll be able to truly relax and enjoy my favorite season without the anxiety of chemo hanging over my head. (No bald jokes please :-). But first, I must get through the next week and a half.

This past round of chemo was a doozy. I really felt awful. Not because of nausea, that was actually better because the doctor gave me something in my IV before we got started with the chemo. But, by Monday I was so weak and drained and.....I can't even explain it. Every breath seemed to take effort as I laid in bed and stared at the tv. I was feeling so sick and as I laid there I quoted the scripture I had memorized from Psalm 91. When I came to, "For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone," I was thinking, "Lord, I'm pretty sure this would qualify as the foot striking the stone part, I need help." Perhaps the angels guarding me had stepped out for a frappacino.

Anyway, only one more treatment and I'm done. But, I sure could use your prayers because now that I've done this several times I know just what to expect and I am dreading it. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday are the worst. I guess that's because the chemo cocktail has done it's job in attacking rapidly growing cells which includes cancer cells, but also good cells like red and white blood cells. I have discovered first hand that those blood cells are tremendously important and when they've diminished in number, one can feel pretty crummy to say the least. So I'm trying something different this week...I'm beefing up on beef...red meat...cow carcass....arrr...arrr...arrr.... Hopefully the added iron will give me the added boost I need to get me through. I'll let you know if it worked.

I am extremely thankful that I only feel really terrible for about 3-4 days, then things start to turn around and I can feel my strength coming back. Within a week I feel pretty good and can get back to a fairly normal routine, praise the Lord! As I write this I know that in about a week and a half I will be past the worst and putting this all behind me, looking ahead to good health, and "hold[ing] unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."! Heb. 10:23. I am also thankful that God's word is truth and that I can claim His promise in Psalm 30: 2-3 "O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. O Lord, you brought me up from the grave, you spared me from going down into the pit."

With Joy and Victory in Jesus,

Janice

Birthday Shave

Well, what a way to spend my birthday. My dear friends Lena and Mary came over to get the job done. Lena made smoothies for us to help celebrate the occasion. (Thanks to Rachel who rode her bike to Hutch's through the rain to get some yogurt. THANKS RACH!) Mary took pictures and kept us all laughing.






My kids thought I should keep the mohawk. I may be a bit crazy at times, but not that crazy.










It's all gone. Maybe I have a future
in punk rock.












Hair clippers......... belong to the Kuaga's.
Pink hat.......a gift from the owners of Evelyn Bay.
Good friends who love you even when you're bald....PRICELESS.










And finally, a good excuse to wear my
beloved cowboy hat.


Well, there it is. The dreaded day has come and gone and it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Having Lena and Mary and my family there with me made it easier. We laughed, Brent took a bunch of pictures, and the kids kept bringing me different hats to try on. Thank you for your continued cards, meals, chocolate, prayers and support. May the Lord bless you all as you are blessing me and my family.

With Joy and Victory,

Janice

2 Down, 2 to Go

Chemo #2 is over! Praise the Lord! Mary D. went with me to my chemo appointment yesterday. What a blessing it was to have her there. We left at 8:30am and returned home at 4:30pm. What a day.

First I get blood drawn to see if I'm good to go. Then I see the oncologist's PA for a check up and discuss how things went over the past 2 weeks. Her name is Kathleen. She plays hockey and has kind of a husky voice, but she is kind and compassionate and believes in telling it like it is, which I appreciate.

I think I said before, one of the scariest parts to me is the first chemo drug. They do it in a slow push through the IV because it's so toxic and hard on the veins. If the needle isn't in the vein well and the drug leaks out, it will burn my skin from underneath. The first nurse had some difficulty getting the vein and had to start over which made me all the more nervous. Mary was fervantly praying through the whole thing and God answered. The second nurse came in wearing a special gown and gloves to protect herself from exposure to the drug. As she came in I said, "It's so comforting see you come in here in your space suit so you can inject me with that toxic liquid." She laughed and assured me that she would take great care to make sure everything would go smoothly. Mary and I both prayed through that 15 minute ordeal. I used the deep and spiritual prayer that Jerry Jacoby has so eloquently spoken about. I think I remembered it just the way he teaches it...it goes something like, "Help". I'm sure Mary had me covered because she is a powerful prayer warrior, but God hears all prayers and He answered us both. The next drug is an hour long slow drip and less scarey to me, so Mary and I could just talk and laugh.

Last night was a bit rough with nausea until about 2:00am, but it did subside and today is better. The fog has yet to set in, but I expect to greet it's arrival in the next day or so. That too shall pass within a week.

My hair is falling out in great measure. When I combed it today it filled the comb. I had a good cry and then took a deep breath and decided to move on. Tomorrow my good friend Lena has graciously agreed to shave my head. Should be a memorable moment and one I am really looking forward too. (You all know I'm being sarcastic, right?) We'll take pictures and maybe I'll even put some on the blog, if I can figure out how to do it. I'll probably have to call my good buddy and neighbor, Jason...he knows everything about computers.

I cannot miss the opportunity to express the amazing peace of God. The verse that came to mind at 5:00am on chemo day was, "You will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord [italics mine] is the rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4 I like how Isaiah says with emphasis, "for the Lord, the Lord is the rock eternal." I can just hear him say "the Lord" loudly that last time to make sure he's getting his point across. Maybe he even pounds the table as he writes or raises his fist in the air. He really wants to make sure we understand who our eternal rock is. I like that and I believe it.

With Joy and Victory,

Janice

Thick as Pea Soup

Ok, so just over one week out from chemo #1 and today I actually felt pretty good. Last weekend got worse before it got better, but it did get better. My stomach has really been fine since Sunday which I didn't expect. It's a bit like pregnancy really...certain smells bug me and I can't handle gross things like Chase's detailed descriptions of the latest thing he did with a bug.

The thing that's been the hardest is the fog. It's hard to explain but my head feels foggy, thick, heavy behind the eyes, like I need to shake the cobwebs out. No jokes please. :-) And the fatigue is frustrating. Going from being able to run 2 miles a day to now just being happy if I can walk up the stairs really stinks. But today was a better day and I actually walked a mile...slowly, but I did it.

I'm not one to enjoy inactivity so I feel myself growing frustrated at my low energy level. Then I get irritable and grumpy. I was a grouch to Jodie the other day and then later apologized. I explained that I was feeling tired, sluggish and just wasn't feeling myself because of the chemo. She said, "Yea, I figured." So I gave her permission to let me know when she thought it was the chemo talking. (I'll be sure to revoke that privilege in October when this is all over.)

We've been so thankful for the meals that have come this last week. It has just been such a huge blessing and a stress relief for both Brent and me. And the kids love it. They get so excited about who's bringing it and what it's going to be. We pray for those that prepared it and thank the Lord for our friends and church family who are so compassionately caring for us.

With Joy and Victory,

Janice

II Corinthians 4:16-17 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.

God Happenings

(Blog info: I added word verification to the comment section because I was receiving comments via computer spam. It only allows people to comment since a computer cannot read the word verification.)

First let me just say....ONE DOWN, THREE TO GO!!! I am 25% done! A 1/4 of the way through! Yahoo!

Yesterday was the big day...my first round of chemo. Joann went with me and we spent 5 hours at the hospital. I'm so thankful for my sister. I know being there wasn't easy for her after we watched my mom go through this just 9 years ago. But she was a great comfort to me and we were even able to enjoy our time together inspite of the stinking reason we were there. We looked at each other at one point and just said, "We should not be here." In fact, there were many times that I thought to myself, "This cannot be happening. I should just get up, walk out and forget about the whole thing." Immediately thoughts of my 3 precious kids would come to mind and I'd think, "I have to stay."

The first God Happening that took place was at 6:00am when I got up after tossing and turning since 5:00am. I grabbed my Bible and the devotional book given to me by Shirley L. The scripture for the day was totally from the Lord. Joshua 1:9 says, "Be strong and courageous in the Lord. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." I'll just be sappy and say that when I read it, I cried. "Terrified" would describe just how I was feeling. "Strong and courageous" certainly would not. But, God began "injecting" me (seems like a good term at the moment) with the strength and courage I needed and I could feel His presence throughout the day. When it was time for the first "cocktail" of chemo drugs, I was quite afraid. They give you the rundown of all the awful things that could happen...just what you need to hear before they stick 'em to ya. I could feel myself becoming really anxious and then God reminded me of His words to me that morning....Be strong and courageous. I kept repeating that to myself and the calmness and peace of God flowed over me.

The other very cool God Happening began when I arrived in the waiting room. My surgery friend, Bethany, was there for her oncology appointment at the same time as me. It was so good to see her. She had already been through one round of chemo 2 weeks ago and looked great. The next God Happening was that when it was time for me to go to the "infusion" room (the cocktail room as I like to call it), I was assigned the seat right next to Bethany! Ok, that is just a miracle from God. There are 15 chairs in this room, and there is more than one room, and we were assigned our chairs a month ago at our first oncology appointments by 2 different oncology doctors. It was such a comfort to be there with Joann, Bethany and her mom. We talked and even laughed. Bethany is so strong and always looks at the positive side of life....I really like that about her. My nurse was curious about how we knew each other and when we told her the story she said, "Oh my goodness, that was from God." Then she called her nurse friend over and told her she had to come and hear our story.

The 4th God Happening is the fact that when I was all finished (the actual infusion takes about 1 1/2 hours), I walked out feeling just fine. Joann drove me home and I felt fine all the way. (They gave me 5 different pills to take before the chemo to help prevent nausea.) As the day wore on I felt pretty good and could handle waves of queeziness by keeping a bit of food on my stomach. Our great neighbors, the Withrows, brought a wonderful meal which was such a huge help for me and the pasta/chicken dish was perfect for my required high carb/high protein diet. Later when the queezienss kept coming I called my parents because my mom, Ena, is the queen of herbal teas. She had just the remedy and sent it over with Dad who was glad for the chance to hop on his motorcycle.

The night was more difficult because the drugs I take for nausea also make it hard to sleep. I was awake every hour all night, but that will only last a few days while I'm on the anti-nausea drugs.

Well, that was a long-winded blog, but many of you ask for details so there they are! I could feel your prayers all day long and I know that those prayers of petition by you; my family, friends, and church family are being embraced by our Heavenly Father and He is faithfully answering hour by hour.

With joy and victory,

Janice

PS Some of you are wondering about the future of my hair. I will lose it. In fact my oncologist said yesterday, that when I come back in 2 weeks my hair will look just like it does now, but 2 days later it will begin coming out in clumps. Oh boy, am I ever looking forward to that. I have purchased a wig...it looks ridiculous to me. It's as poofy as a sheep at shearing time. But the beautician will cut it and thin it down to resemble my own hair. My guess is I won't like it and will wear bandanas/scarves/hats most of the time. But, this too shall pass. :-)

Prayer Request

It's been a long time since I've written, but believe it or not, life has been fairly uneventful for the past couple of weeks. I'm recovering well and have even been running again. I decided this week that rather than run every other day, I would run every day until the chemo starts next week. When I run I feel like I'm actually doing something to fight this cancer thing. It's definitely a battle and I want to be in tip-top shape so I can be the victor! (I know, I've always been a bit competitive.)

My prayer request is for protection from the strep throat that has just entered our home through our eldest...Jodie. She got it hard and is feeling pretty punky. We've got the antibiotics going, so she'll be perking up here in no time. But, I know the docs won't start chemo on me if I'm sick. Sure some may think that might be a relief. However, I'm at the point now where I just want to get this show on the road so I can get it over with. Plus, I've got plans...I'm teaching CORE 100 in the fall and we have our Cedar Bend date all scheduled.

I have learned from things like botched surgeries, that I can rest in the knowledge that Jesus is in control of it all and no matter what happens, I will trust in Him and His timing. But I also know that we can take every matter to Him in prayer and He will listen. So my prayer is that the rest of the family will remain healthy and my chemo will start next Thursday as planned. Yippee.

Here's a cool passage of scripture that I am working on memorizing. Want to memorize it with me? Pastor Mark read Psalm 91 to me while I was lying on the gurney waiting to go in to surgery (at least I think it was this scripture...uh, and I'm pretty sure it was Pastor Mark...I was medicated at the time. :-)

(I changed the "he's" to "she's".)

Psalm 91:9-16
If you make the Most High your dwelling -
even the Lord, who is my refuge -
then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
For He will command His angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpant. (cancer)
"Because she loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue her;
I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name.
She will call upon me and I will answer her;
I will be with her in trouble,
I will deliver her and honor her.
With long life will I satisfy her
and show her my salvation."

Oh, and I've got to tell you something about this scripture. When I first started memorizing it I was saying, "and no disaster will come upon your tent." Then I looked closer and realized it said, "no disaster will come near your tent." That's even better! Not only will disaster not come upon my tent/house, but it won't even come near it. I'm glad the Holy Spirit pointed out my error because I wouldn't want to short change God's promise...I want the whole enchilada, and the great thing is, He wants it for me too! (And for you! :-)

With Joy and Victory,

Janice