This Is It

Got the call. Surgery is set for tomorrow at 8:45am. I'm second in line, so maybe they'll all still be fresh and alert :-). Just to make sure, I've written a note that I plan on taping to my chest that clarifies what procedures they need to complete and on which side, plus a word of caution concerning the lymph node removal and the preservation of my throwing arm. :-)

I probably won't blog for awhile, so let me just reiterate how thankful I am for my family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, pastors and church community for your continued prayers and support. God has given me such a peace that I wonder why I'm not more worried. I can be such a goofball...I pray for God's peace and strength and then when He answers I wonder if something's wrong because I feel like I should be more anxious! Oh brother. I'm thankful that Jesus doesn't give up on goofballs.

"Do not fear for I am with you, do not be afraid for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Many Blessings,

Janice

Rocks

Today I had a dentist appointment. He said my teeth look great. I told him that’s the first good news I’ve received from a doctor in months.

For a while It seemed like every doctor’s appointment was just bringing more bad news. First it was, “The lump is suspicious, probably just fibrous tissue but we better remove it.” Then the dreaded call…”sorry, there is some malignancy. ..but it’s a good kind of cancer that rarely travels to the lymph nodes and we can treat it with radiation.” Then the jaw-dropping news…”oh, sorry, you asked for a mastectomy not a lumpectomy, we made a mistake.” And the final clincher, “sorry to have to tell you this after just hearing that we botched your surgery and all, but we also found cancer in a lymph node, so we need to do that mastectomy you originally asked for, plus you’ll need chemo.” Aghhhh…!!!

After that last bit of bad news I was talking to my friend Bean (not her real name, of course) and telling her I felt like Charlie Brown. Charlie Brown’s story is scriptural you know, well sort of. :-) In Matthew 7:9 Jesus says, “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?” I said to Bean, “I keep getting bad news. I asked for bread, but like Charlie Brown at Halloween, all I got was a rock.” We laughed and cried together.

I began to feel a serious lack of trust in the Lord. I wondered why I kept getting all these rocks. I couldn’t see any good in it and I began to grow anxious about every appointment for fear of the next rock that would land in my bag. Then I found this amazing scripture, Psalm 112:1,7 which says, “Blessed is the [woman] who fears the Lord…[she]will have no fear of bad news, [her] heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.” Can you believe that? I've looked it up several times just to make sure that's what it really says. God sends the right word at the right time.

I still feel some anxiety at times about what may be next, but I don’t need to fear bad news, I just need to trust in God, my true rock and salvation.

Many Blessings,

Janice
PS As I approach this next surgery my prayer request is for no complications, clear lymph nodes, safety for my kids back home, and of course, that the doctor will do the right surgery. :-)

The Valley of Blessing

On Memorial Day my Aunt Sandy asked me an interesting question that I have thought about every day since. Her question was, “Are you ready for the battle?” Wow, a battle. That sounds serious and kind of scary. But she’s right, it is a battle. And I’m doing my best to prepare for what lies ahead...physically, mentally, and spiritually. But the truth is, the battle ultimately belongs to the Lord.

I’m reading through a book Julie M. recommended to me called, “Grace for Each Hour; Through the Breast Cancer Journey”. Yesterday the scripture reference was from 2 Chronicles 20. King Jehoshaphat got word that 3 mighty armies were mounting an attack against him and he cried out to God and God said, “Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours but Gods.”

Then God did something that I think shows He has a sense of humor…He instructed King Jehoshaphat to put a choir at the front of his army and have them sing praises to God. That doesn’t seem like a real practical strategy to me. In fact, I can just see the other armies mocking them…I mean really, they must have looked like a bunch of sissies. But as God’s people sang praises to Him, the other armies began fighting against each other! They killed each other off, while not one Israelite was injured. After it was all over there was so much plunder that it took the Israelites 3 days to collect it all. They named the spot where it all took place the Valley of Blessing.

Singing praises to the Lord is taking on a whole new meaning to me. I listen to praise and worship music on and off throughout the day and I envision a mighty battle going on inside of me. As I sing praises to God, I see the cancer fighting against itself. It’s mass chaos in there! Those stinking cells don’t stand a chance against my God!

When this is all over, I pray that I can look back and call this time my Valley of Blessing.

“Do not fear for I am with you, do not be afraid for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Candles in Italy

My friend Mary D. is traveling in Italy with her family. She emailed to tell me that she and Deb V. have been lighting candles and praying for me all over Italy. Mama mia, what some people won't do to have candles lit for them in Italy! :-) In all seriousness, I feel so blessed to have friends who pray for me even as they travel across the globe.

My next surgery is Tuesday, June 27th. Hope they don't remove a kidney or something important that I might need later. They will remove more lymph nodes. I was feeling like I had too many of those anyway. I pray that they are free of cancer and that their absence won't mess up my throw to first.

After that it's on to chemo. treatments. I can think of a couple of things I'd rather do than chemo. But, instead of dwelling on that, I decided to think of the good things about it. Although I'm bummed that I will lose my hair, I was glad that it wasn't my teeth. That'd be a drag wouldn't it? Plus, I have the option of changing my hair color on a daily basis! I'll also have a good excuse to wear my beloved cowboy hat a lot more. So far that's about the only good things I can think of, but I'll keep trying.

Thanks for all your continued prayers. I may joke around a lot, but not about how much your prayers mean to me. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful group of friends, family, neighbors, and church community lifting me in prayer and bringing me meals and "Joy for Janice" treats! A cancer survivor friend told me that when a person faces their own mortality they live a fuller life. I am slowly learning that she is right. God is working in my life in a whole new way. I have a peace that passes all understanding...only Jesus can do that.

By His Grace,
Janice

The Latest - June 9,2006

I spent the entire week at doctor's appointments. I've been poked, prodded, quizzed over family history, examined, mammographed again, stitches have been removed, and more appointments have been made.

My last appointment was at U of M in Ann Arbor where I was privileged to meet with Dr. Lisa Newman, Director of the Breast Care Center and surgical oncologist. She has an incredible list of credentials from Harvard to New York Health Institute. I was very impressed. She will perform a mastectomy and more lymph node removal since my last biopsy and lymph node dissection showed one node with cancer. This should happen in about 2 weeks.

Unfortunately the next step is chemotherapy. Eight treatments over 16 weeks. I will probably do this at U of M as well. I am pretty nervous about chemo., but am confident that Jesus will get me through. A new friend and 2-time cancer survivor recently told me about a scripture verse that helped her through her cancer journey. I Peter 5:10 - "And the God of all grace who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

I pray that no matter what obstacles lie ahead, I will remain faithful to Jesus.